I’ve been trying to make sense of my last two to three years in school.
I’ve been constantly questioning my beliefs, my actions,my relationships etc. I’ve been getting more clarity with regards to what I feel my purpose is and how I should carry it out-this had been both scary, freeing, and exhilarating at the same time. I’m learning to do, act, think, and feel in spaces, relationships and associations that can honor me and enrich me. Lately I’m so grateful for the safe spaces I’ve come into contact with in these recent moments: counselor, my writing club in school, meeting other creatives. All of this I feel has helped encourage me, strengthen me and push me to go for what I want. I’ve been able to grow so much, gain critique on my work, gain confidence in my work.
So often coming from a traditional family made up of Caribbean immigrants I constantly encounter the pressure of becoming their idea of successful: becoming a doctor, lawyer or someone real dignified and making big money. Art and other creative pursuits are deemed to be unworthy and insignificant-never making or amounting to enough. I wish I could change their minds and I’ve tried, though my efforts proved futile. I’ve realized over the years that I don’t need the approval of family or loved one to make my art and any other creative pursuit that I take on to be deemed worthy.
I’ve gone through of shift of pushing and longing for acceptance with regards to what I do and who I am. I’m on the brink of leaving and that stage and it feels so good. I have realized that to look to another mortal being to make sense of who I am-a divine being/creation and who I’ve been created to be is just mad. As a millennial, an avid listener, and observer I’ve found most of people are still trying to figure themselves out and make a sense of themselves. Once they come into contact with one who has come to the acknowledgement and realization of who they are, they don’t know how to react. People often put down, avoid or make little of what they don’t or refuse to understand and I get it.
I’m in a place where I’m working to connect more go my inner spirit man. I’ve been praying and pushing positive energy toward my wants and desires. I’m grateful that things are starting to manifest and work in my favor.
I’m forever grateful for the journey it took to get here. I have faith that the rest of the journey will be even sweeter and get more fulfilling as time goes on.